an ordinary girl in a fantasy world

I wanna cry, my heart is aching. I hate this mood. What if this stupid people will suddenly disappear? Oh, my depressive thoughts again. I feel need in talk and laugh. I wanna laugh so hard that my stomach and cheeks will be aching because of my laugh. This world is so unperfect and I'm so stupid and weak to live in it. But, anyway I wanna live. I wanna laugh and cry. I wanna live. I wanna see a rainbow. I want summer come. I wanna feel warm wind and see clear sky. Anyway, I love this unperfect world. Even if I wanna be in my imaginary world, I wanna live here.
I'm not multi-colored at all. But I wanna be. And I will do my best. And now I feel better. Thank you <3

I feel so lonely. As I thought, my biggest fear is indifference. I hate this feeling. Every day I wanna get at least piece of attention. Even if I don't love too much attention. I don't wanna see this indifferent faces. I want people around me smile for me, smile with me. I wanna talk to them. I wanna understand them. So why are they so indifferent? It hurts. Right now I wanna hide in the shell. At least till the moment when my depression will go away.

Okay, I feel need in my history textbook to distract from my stupid thoughts >_<

As expected, I couldn't finish this portrait today. Maru-chan, gomen ne. It's all because of my laziness. And I distracted on eito's video much ;_; I'm very sensitive and I almost cried watching Snow White SCP performance. They are so wonderful, I love them ;_; I wanted to watch Puzzle tour, but it is on DVD and I'm too lazy to find it. Baka onna. Aaah, when I think about eito, there is only one word in my head - "love". Yeah, I'm strange. But it's all eito's fault. They just can't be so adorable!!

I've just watched the movie "Jumper" with Hayden Christensen. And I can say that idea of teleportation is good. And Hayden is so beautiful <3 Even if he lost his youth's charm that he had in Star Wars Attack of the Clones, he is still beautiful and charming. And I cried again empathizing his character. I'm truly hopeless

Sometimes I wanna fall asleep forever, because only in dreams I can be on other planets, in other worlds and even other person. My dreams almost always alarming but interesting. I love life of that other "me"

Okay, finally I'm here. I'm not a native speaker and my English is terrible, so forgive me my mistakes. I just wanna improve my English and find a place where I can write about everything. I'm going to write a lot about my not so bright life, and I will be whining a lot. Of course, there will be lovely and kind posts too. So I just will be myself, okay?

This design was set by default, and somehow it suits my thoughts and feelings very much, so I won't change it.

Today I love Maruyama Ryuhei, because he is so shiny and bright. And I wanna smile when I see him. And even now I'm smiling instead of drawing his left eye. I'm hopeless.


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